i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
birth control should be required to get into college
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
