and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
