I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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