I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize