You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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