First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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