Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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