You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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