Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Life is so much better after having sex.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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