party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
