If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
