Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
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So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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