She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
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