just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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