So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
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Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
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I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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