i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
