I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think your dad took our porno
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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