You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
