he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital