I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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