Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
