"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.