even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
