Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.