Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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