guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
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Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.