Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"