I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
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A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
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I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.