he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
