At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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