Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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