he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
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you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
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