areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
