this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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