Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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