he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
