dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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