I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
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Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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