Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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