Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
