lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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