We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
