Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
