it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
