Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
