Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.