Where did you get a picture of my penis
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.