4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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