shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Randomize
