Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
