Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?