No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Couch. On fire.
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