My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
