u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
