they need to just BURY HIM!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
