I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
