i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
