READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
