she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
