well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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