tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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