summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
