guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
