o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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