she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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