She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
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It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I have tasted many bathrooms
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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