Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
