You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
