Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
