My cat gives me a boner
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
