We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
