You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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