i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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