So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
