I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize