It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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