Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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